My Post Office Job

I use to work at the post office as a City Carrier in Brea Ca. From day one on the job, I had the most unusual job related events happen to me. Most are pretty amusing if you know me. I've always said that I needed to write a book on my post office days. So this blog will be that book in the short version.

My first day on the job I was a nervous Nelly. I was handed 14 special deliveries and a map of Brea, the keys to a postal jeep and told to go deliver them and be back in an hour. I had no idea where any of the streets were in that town.  It didn't matter, because a mile away from the post office, I ran out of gas. What? I checked the gas gauge before I left. Oh yeah, the empty and full are reversed on these jeeps. This was before cell phones and I had to leave the jeep in the middle of a busy street and go to a local business to call them to come help me. Well, that was embarrassing for the first day of work.

After a few more days of training, I was given a Ford Pinto car, yep, one of those cars that everyone wanted said nobody ever. I was told to deliver the mail, so I went to my first stop which was a business right down the street from the post office. Just as I parked that beautiful piece of crap, that you wouldn't want to be seen in, I noticed the paint on the front hood was bubbling. I knew it was hot outside, it was California and summertime, but never expected what was happening. As I sat there staring at it, I saw flames shooting out of everywhere. I grabbed my purse, my lunch, (I wasn't leaving my lunch) and all the registered mail off the front seat and got out of the car. Now I'm looking at the car burning up and thinking that mail will be gone soon. A man had called the fire department and I started pulling the mail out of the back of the car. Yep, I saved the mail. Than I became hysterical and had to go home. But I did come back the next day. 

They put me on a walking route with a different Pinto car, whatever. I was on that route for 6 months. I lost 40 pounds without trying, and started getting pretty good at what I was doing. 

I still didn't like the job, but the money was too good to quit. I remember one day I cried, because I delivered the mail on one street, that belonged to the next street. Crap, I was not a happy camper. It wouldn't have been so bad to just go back and re-deliver the correct mail and take the wrong mail out of the boxes on the whole street. But the problem was, the mailboxes were in the door and the wrong mail was on the person's floor. And to top it off, it was social security check day. Here's your sign. lol

There must have been something about that street. It was called Pear St and not long after the switched mail incident, I got bit by a dog on the same street. Maybe he was mad at me for the wrong mail. He ran out the screen door and was on a mission. No matter what I did, he still bit me on the butt. Upper thigh might be a nicer way to explain it. He than knocked me down on to my back and I tried spraying him with dog spray, but all that did was get in my face. Picture this scenario. Me on my back with all the mail from my mail bag spread all over the front lawn, the dog on top of me growling like a crazed bear, and the dog's owner on top of the dog trying to get him off of me. She was yelling to me that he won't bite you...Huh? Do you not see my torn pants with the big bloody bite on my "thigh"? Well, that got me 10 days off from work, and a $1100 check for the hassle. We bought a brown corduroy couch, and a king size water bed. Thank you Benji dog. There was another time when a big scary dog, a German Shepherd, wouldn't let me walk back to my car. It was both the growling bark and the big teeth that made me call management and say come and help me. Benji didn't seem so bad after all. 

Now that we are past the mail uniform hating dogs, I'll tell you about the time 2 high school girls in a car, decided it would be fun for them to "pretend" that they were going to run me over. I was walking back to my car, and they started accelerating and swerving towards me as I crossed the street. Yes, they made me run, and when I looked back at them, they were laughing. They weren't laughing a few hours later when the postmaster paid them a visit. 

I was rear-ended once by a man in a yellow camaro. I was just sitting at the stop sign waiting for the cars to pass so I could turn. He said he was reading something and thought I was turning and when he looked up, I was still there. And he plowed in to me. Another call to management. 

Every Sunday the carriers would have to take turns doing collections and special deliveries. It was my first time driving around town collecting mail from those blue boxes filled with mail on street corners. The post office had these big mailbox keys on a chain. I had looped the chain through my pants belt loop for safe keeping. I put the key in the lock and got the mail out and in to a container. I closed the mailbox and locked it again. But when I tried to take the key out of the lock, it was stuck. I tried for 20 minutes to get it out. I was connected to that key by the chain on my belt loop which meant I was stuck too. I tried to rip the belt loop off my pants to free me from the key, but those belt loops were not going anywhere. Do I dare take my pants off? Than what? Wrap myself in a mailbag? Once again, a cell phone would have been my chance to call management again. I kicked the box a few times, kept trying to jam the key more to see if that would help, cried, tried to wave down cars to stop and help me and finally after about 45 minutes of being stuck and more fiddling with it, I was free once again. I never connected myself to a key again. At the time I even thought, am I on Candid Camera? I swore that I was. 

One of the weirdest things that happened to me was the naked man. I went up to the door to get a signature and this redheaded guy answered the door, and he only had a towel wrapped around his waist, wearing white socks. Odd, but ok. When I was handing the receipt back to him, he dropped the towel and put his arms out to his side and said oops! I think I said something mature like "what an ass" and tossed the receipt like a baseball card, which went flying between his legs and hit the wall. Guess what? I didn't call management..haha..It was the end of the route and once I got back to the office, I reported what had happened, and they called the police and the postal inspectors. I guess he had a few unwelcome visitors. Fast forwarded a few days, and I'm on a different street and guess who walks up to my mail jeep to talk to me? The same naked idiot. He tells me his friends were around the corner of the door and they had bet him he wouldn't do the "naked drop the towel show" for the mail lady. He said he was a exhibitionist. Go exhibit your talents somewhere else buddy. Two weeks later as I am across the street, putting mail in a box, guess who is on his lawn sitting naked on a chair? What is wrong with this person? Did all mail carriers go through this bazaar stuff? Nope, just me.

We moved to Washington State and I became a Rural Carrier Sub in Gig Harbor. It was a big difference and in some ways less stressful. I figured that I would only have to fight off bears and moose now, instead of dogs and naked men. But my postal carrier came to an end one icy morning, when I rolled my postal jeep. (that I owned and drove to work and back) I was still in the emergency room getting patched up, when the big wigs came in and fired me. Oh nice. Really? I did get my job back and than I quit. The icy road driving didn't appeal to me anymore.

  

With no winter driving, I did start working as a contract carrier for a very rural route. I'm talking 12 miles to nowhere each way. Dirt roads and no electricity. I could have run around naked like Mr Exhibitionist, if I wanted to. I wasn't really thrilled about being out in the middle of the boonies all alone. So, my postal career had to come to an end. 

And it wasn't because I ran over a squirrel out on that dirt road. The poor thing. 

So do you have any funny or amusing job stories?